The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter where I was kept awake all night by a porn woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French memek word for memek caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, bokep she rolled her eyes and memek declared the woman an ‘actrice’, memek or bokep sex worker.

Now, porn according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, bokep it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and bokeh all men dread – the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokep the greater the chance the orgasm is bokep being faked. In other words, porn you can’t measure bokeh passion in terms of decibels: memek there’s sex as performance art, bokep and bokeh sex as genuine intimacy. And bokep when a woman is genuinely aroused, crot trusts her partner and crot is not fearing for memek a fragile male ego, porn she’s far more likely to gently sigh and bokeh moan than shriek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, bokep female contributors regularly confessed to faking orgasms. It was generally on an occasional basis, bokeh they’d explain, bokeh so they could make their partner feel happy, memek while conserving their energy for porn other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They declared that erotic decibels were all about manners and crot ‘manipulation’, memek and porn that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage their partners over the finishing line, crot so to speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, crot the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: bokeh ‘I’m enjoying this, porn but can you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, bokep ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented hyena is if your sex education bokeh comes from porn, bokep where loud always equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland memek said in 2014 after neighbours complained that bokeh her sexual yowling drowned out their TVs: memek ‘As far as I’m concerned, crot that’s what you should be doing.’

Well, memek only if you want to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book, bokep Sex At Dawn, bokeh Christopher Ryan and crot Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason porn women were noisy during sex – based on observation of our nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males that they were fertile and memek keen to copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, porn I can understand bokeh the need to advertise. But if you’re not, crot then men should take heed: porn the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris